Well, here I sit, facing that part of the day when I have to get my ass up and go to work. I'm on second shift, so this part of my day comes later than many people's, but it sucks just as hard. The job is okay, I suppose. I've managed to dodge both "reductions" (read: mass layoffs) that have occurred in the past six months, the work itself is easy enough and the people are pretty cool. But I can't help feeling like there is supposed to be something more.
I was catching up on my sister's blog, which I only recently discovered was in existence (horrible brother am I), and she mentioned in one post how she used to imagine herself all grown up and glamorous, but now realizes that she is all grown up, and the time to get glamorous was at hand. I myself will be 28 years old soon and it's taking more and more of my manly strength to push back 30.
To say I have accomplished nothing would be a great disservice to myself. I have three beautiful daughters who, luckily, are still too young to realize that they are smarter than I. I do my best to provide for them, and I feel like I'm a pretty good dad. Sure, my marriage has basically fallen apart to the point where my wife and I are little more than roommates (who get along as friends, mind you), but that has more to do with people changing over time than any wrong doing on either of our parts.
But where is that elusive glamor? Where's the sex, drugs and rock 'n roll life I knew just a few (or maybe closer to 5) years ago? Have I become so comfortably numb that a modicum of excitement is now beyond my grasp? Surely not, but the road to Funville is often roadblocked with bills, responsibilities, aching bones and lack of gumption. I try to travel that rockin' highway, but more often than not I end up making a u-turn back to the house. And the cycle starts anew.
Wake. Breakfast. Work. Lunch. Work. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat...
But, as also pointed out by my not-so-little-anymore sister, noone is going to change it for me. Time to rev the engine, make some changes, and charge through that toll-booth to the glamor-fun-rock 'n roll-sexy party time highway, without paying. Well, okay, maybe I'll pay the toll. But I ain't usin' exact change. Suck on that, maturity and responsibility. Suck it hard. And long. Sorry, it's been a while, if ya know what I mean.
Look out world, man pushing thirty with an early midlife crisis coming through! I'm gonna rock out with my cock out, knock the walls out with my balls out (just made that up), and leave a wake of pent-up angst and destruction behind me. I'll be taking no prisoners. But, first, I may take a nap.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The First Story Is The Oldest Story
She's a special kind of girl. You know her type. She laughs at my jokes, likes the same music (mostly) that I do, even plays the same video games. Her sense of humor is on par with mine and she doesn't mind if a joke is off-color or a little dirty. She's got that look that I love. Every guy has a look that he loves, each a little different.
Yes, I've no doubt you know her type. I've no doubt that you have or have had someone like that in your life. And the one thing that ties all the girls (or guys) of her type together is this: You can't have her. And no, I can't have her. Oh, I could probably charm my way into a few dates, maybe even make her my own. If it weren't for the simple fact that she belongs to someone else.
If that wasn't salt in the gaping wound of desire, there's always the fact that the guy she belongs to is one of my good friends. Yeah, that stings. It would be one thing if I didn't know the guy. I could work my wiles and hope to draw her away from him, assured that I was doing no less than rescuing a damsel in distress from what must be a less-than-fulfilling relationship with someone who could never appreciate her as much as I do.
But, no. He's a stand-up guy. Respectable, responsible, and fun to be around. Not as fun as I am, sure, but my level of awesome takes years to master (useless as it may be in the face of wallowing in the "friend" category of her mind). Unrequited love. Oldest one in the book. Wanting that which eludes us.
It's not even a matter of wanting to nail her. Sure, I'm sexually attracted to her. But the important thing, that which truly draws me to her is the connection I feel to her as a person. That same connection which betrays me to the "friend" status. Maybe someday I'll get my chance. Maybe not. I'll just have to hope to find another like her, though we all know how likely we believe that to be in times like this. I do know this; I would never wish heartache on her or my friend with whom she is currently attached. But, should the day come that they break apart, I know I want to be the one consoling her. And, when the right time presents itself, make known my deeper feelings for her.
Maybe that makes me an asshole. I don't know. I hope not, but even if it does I don't know that it would stop me from trying to win her should that day come. As some famous person whose name I cannot recall once said, "the heart wants what the heart wants". She's a special kind of girl.
Yes, I've no doubt you know her type. I've no doubt that you have or have had someone like that in your life. And the one thing that ties all the girls (or guys) of her type together is this: You can't have her. And no, I can't have her. Oh, I could probably charm my way into a few dates, maybe even make her my own. If it weren't for the simple fact that she belongs to someone else.
If that wasn't salt in the gaping wound of desire, there's always the fact that the guy she belongs to is one of my good friends. Yeah, that stings. It would be one thing if I didn't know the guy. I could work my wiles and hope to draw her away from him, assured that I was doing no less than rescuing a damsel in distress from what must be a less-than-fulfilling relationship with someone who could never appreciate her as much as I do.
But, no. He's a stand-up guy. Respectable, responsible, and fun to be around. Not as fun as I am, sure, but my level of awesome takes years to master (useless as it may be in the face of wallowing in the "friend" category of her mind). Unrequited love. Oldest one in the book. Wanting that which eludes us.
It's not even a matter of wanting to nail her. Sure, I'm sexually attracted to her. But the important thing, that which truly draws me to her is the connection I feel to her as a person. That same connection which betrays me to the "friend" status. Maybe someday I'll get my chance. Maybe not. I'll just have to hope to find another like her, though we all know how likely we believe that to be in times like this. I do know this; I would never wish heartache on her or my friend with whom she is currently attached. But, should the day come that they break apart, I know I want to be the one consoling her. And, when the right time presents itself, make known my deeper feelings for her.
Maybe that makes me an asshole. I don't know. I hope not, but even if it does I don't know that it would stop me from trying to win her should that day come. As some famous person whose name I cannot recall once said, "the heart wants what the heart wants". She's a special kind of girl.
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